Hello, welcome to and thank you for calling the psychiatric hotline. If you
are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent,
please have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities,
please press 3,4,5,& 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and
what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call. If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully - - a little voice will tell you which button
to push. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you push,
no one will answer. Have a nice day.